I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
