We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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