He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
