Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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