hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
