remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
