Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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