I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hippo gnu deer
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
