She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
