Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
