i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
