it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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