The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
