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• (407): View more from Florida

  If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.

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• (567): View more from Ohio

  I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..

  (1-567): View more from Ohio

  How so?

  (567): View more from Ohio

  Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags

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• (914): View more from New York

  I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme

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• (646): View more from New York

  Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?

  (212): View more from New York

  hahah yep

  (646): View more from New York

  Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  It wasn't my fault.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  why the hell are you crying over taco bell?

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