dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
