I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
