The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
