Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
