I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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