Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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