I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
