it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wanna passion pit in your ass
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
