Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
