just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
