Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
