It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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