McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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