Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
