I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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