Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
