How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
