You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
