I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
