how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm having to shit out rocks
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
