i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
