So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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