Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
