i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
