I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
