is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
