my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
