My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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