like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
