just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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