Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
