I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
