dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
