is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
