So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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