I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
